Chapter 1: Triumphant

On New Year’s Day I participated in a Commitment Day 5K in downtown St. Louis. Apparently these runs happen all over the country and are meant to start the new year off in a healthy way. So in the freezing cold, I put on my running tights and other warm gear and joined some friends to start 2015 with some cardiovascular activity. (And if you are not a runner and think this is the dumbest idea you have ever heard, well, you are probably right.)  I really wanted to get a PR at this race (for non-runners this means a personal record, which means beating my previous fastest time).  I thought, “What a great way to start my year, being faster than ever!” So when the race started, I took off and I felt good despite the long, steep hill that made up a majority of the first 2 miles of the course.  Things were going well and then the worst happened. I felt incredible stomach pains like I had never felt before. I knew I had to stop and walk and I was so mad. I kept thinking that now my great story would not be about how I was faster than ever but rather that I thought I might die or puke.  So I begin walking and I’m irritated and all these people are passing me and some friends waved as they went by and all I can think about is how this is NOT what I wanted to happen.  I probably looked ridiculous as I was breathing deeply to help the stomach cramps and was scowling about this turn of events.  Honestly, I was disappointed in myself. This was not how the new year was supposed to start. I was supposed to be really fast and show everyone how amazing I am as a runner and start my year in triumph. I really like things that are triumphant.

I don’t think I’m alone. The new year is such a gift. It’s a time to start over and try new things. It’s a new beginning. It’s a chance to be someone new and really make your life what you want it to be.  This is why people make resolutions. This is why I can’t get a treadmill at my gym for the month of January. People want to do big and bold things in the new year.  And while this is a wonderful thing, it’s no wonder March comes and resolutions are broken and the gym is empty again. I wonder if we set ourselves up for failure by expecting too much all at once. The new year is a gift–it’s not magic.  And truthfully any resolution, whether to run a faster race or eat healthy or be kinder to your coworkers, is going to take a lot of work. And there will most definitely be failures.  In an effort to live in gratitude and focus on the positive, I have decided to look at my non-triumphant 5K on New Year’s Day as a great metaphor for my upcoming year. I gave it my all and then I had a setback. But you know what, when my stomach felt better, I ran in the last mile.  It didn’t turn out like I thought but I didn’t give up and I did the best I could.  Perhaps if we approached our new year’s resolutions like that, we might actually keep some of them.

When I think about this next year, I really do want to try to sip and savor each experience. I want to be mindful of the beauty in my life and in this world because it can be so easy to focus on the negative.  I want to celebrate the triumphs and be humble in the defeats. Whether in running or work or relationships, I want to know that I am appreciating the goodness that is around me and being a source of goodness in the world.  So I’ll sign up for more 5Ks and see how they go and hopefully sometime this year I will get to write about I was faster than a speeding bullet. But until then I will keep embracing the newness of 2015 and all it has to offer, knowing that my triumphant moment may be just around the corner.