Chapter 12: Floating

“I just kept waiting for something to happen.”

These are the words my sister-in-law Courtney uttered as we drove away from the trendiest, hippest, and arguably oddest experience we have ever shared together: floating.  As in, floating in the water.  Several months ago, Courtney sent me an article discussing the latest hipster trend, which involved spending 90 minutes floating in a pool of water. Apparently, floating has been around forever (according to the website of our floating place) and is a way to clear one’s mind and truly experience peace. Courtney decided we needed to float and thus, as her birthday present to me, we immersed ourselves (pun intended) in this new experience. I’ve been trying for over a week now to figure out how to explain floating to others and perhaps find a way to somehow integrate this experience in my life.  I have not been successful, namely because I hated floating.

I’m a person who loves to try new things. I am open to almost any new food. I love things that are considered artsy. I like to try out different ways to experience God. I like to be open to new ideas and new trends. And honestly, even after I floated, I desperately wanted to say that I enjoyed it and had an existential experience.  It sounds so alternative to say that I floated (I mean even now as I write this I’m having a hard time believing I tried it in the first place).  Even for those who love to float–apparently there are a lot of these people–the whole idea is far from the mainstream.  First, you basically get into a bathtub filled with warm water and copious amounts of Epsom salts. (As a side note, there is an option to get into a pod which encloses you and is somehow meant to replicate a womb. Courtney and I decided we would absolutely be claustrophobic so said no thank you to that option). These salts create a buoyancy that allows you to feel weightless in the water and has the added bonus of keeping you afloat if you fall asleep. You have a little knob in the bathtub that turns off the lights once you are settled, and then it is pitch black. Like the darkest room I’ve ever been in.  Like I couldn’t tell when my eyes were open or closed.  Then you float.  For an hour and a half. Initially I was excited to spend some quiet, relaxing time with myself and I thought this might be like meditating, only possibly more relaxing.  It was not.  In fact, it was the opposite of relaxing.

First, I was overheated the minute I got into the water. Ironically, Courtney was freezing the whole time over in her bathtub. (It should also be noted that Courtney and I were in two separate rooms and several times I wanted to just bang on the wall and see how she liked floating, but that would probably have been frowned upon by the staff).  After getting used to the temperature of the water, I got salt in my eye, which the owner told me was a possibility and why they keep spray bottles with fresh water to spray on your eyes. Then I couldn’t get comfortable. There was a little noodle thing to put behind my neck but it took me awhile to figure out how to relax. At this point, I’m already annoyed and wondering why we didn’t just get a couple’s massage, but then the worst happened. My hand felt a long hair in the water which could not have been mine as I have a pixie haircut.  Now I’m completely grossed out and wondering how long it’s been since I started and wondering if I could just get out and wait for Courtney in the incense-filled lobby.  But I don’t want to be a spoil sport so I continue to float and pray the time goes by quickly. I try to pray. I try to plan out my week. I try to clear my head of thoughts. I try to think of things for which I am grateful.  Eventually I fall asleep for who knows how long and when I wake up I begin to pray that this is ending at any moment.  When the light goes on to signal the time is up, I literally jumped out of that tub, got into the shower to clean off and felt the immense relief one does when a terrible experience has ended. In the car, Courtney echoed similar thoughts (down to a rogue hair that she found in her tub) and we both agreed floating is NOT for us.

This entire week I’ve been thinking about floating. I’ve been thinking about what Courtney said–that she just was waiting for something to happen and it never did. I think life is a lot like that. Sometimes we try new things and we think they will be amazing or life-changing and they end up being kind of dumb.  Other times we try something we think will be ordinary and it changes everything.  I think I felt bad at first that I disliked floating. I like to think I can get into some of this new age stuff and that I can do things that expand my horizons. But I suppose that sometimes things just don’t float your boat (and this pun was totally not intended but obviously I’m leaving it in here).  Floating reminded me that I can try new things, and I can choose if they are fitting for me. I can be adventurous and brave and when something is not quite what I want, I don’t have to do it again.  It’s a pretty cool thing to have opportunities in life to do things like float in a vat of salty water (and my God even as I write this, it’s a wonder Courtney and I thought it was ever a good plan…).  But what’s even cooler is the freedom to say it’s not for me.

Next year for my birthday, I think Courtney and I will stick with the tried and true–pedicures, drinks, a day at the spa.  Unless of course she reads an article on the latest trendy, new age experience because who are we kidding, we would probably try it out.